Everyone has his or her own unique way of feeling loved. For some it is hearing the words “I love you”. For others, receiving a gift of flowers does the trick. Some people appreciate an act of kindness, such as having their car washed and others just need a hug to feel loved and appreciated.
As you read the summaries of the different styles of love, notice which love style resonates most with you. Then go back through the article and see if you can figure out the love styles of your spouse, children, parents and other loved ones.
Words of Acknowledgment and Appreciation
Verbal compliments and words of appreciation are the method of choice for people who are auditory. They prefer to hear how they are influencing your life. They like you to whisper in their ear and tell them how great they are and how much you appreciate what they do.
“I love you.”
“You look great in that dress.”
“Thanks for you help.”
Quality of Time
A person with the quality of time preference wants to have your undivided attention. They want to share togetherness with you while doing something they enjoy.
A walk in the park
Watching the sunset together
A romantic candle-lit dinner
They want to be able to look into your eyes and see that you are fully present with them. They need to spend time with you in order to feel loved.
Gifts are visual symbols of love. People who are visual, prefer to receive something that expresses your love. They like to have that visual reminder that they are loved and appreciated. They want to receive something that they can wear or see.
They enjoy the feeling of love the object creates even in your absence.
People with this love style appreciate someone taking the time and the trouble to plan something special just for them. They want someone who knows who they are and takes into account what is important to them.They want to be surprised and whisked away to do something new and different.
A limousine ride to dinner.
A trip to see their favorite entertainer.
A hot air balloon ride that would make their heart sing.
Acts of Service-Kindness
People with this love style appreciate demonstrations of love. They need someone to take time to help out around the house in order to feel loved. They need people to go out of their way to make their live easier. These actions require thought, planning, time, effort, and energy and make them feel loved.
Actions such as cooking a meal, setting the table, washing the dishes, vacuuming, taking out the garbage, painting a bedroom, keeping the car in operating condition, cleaning the garage, mowing the grass, trimming the shrubs, raking the leaves and walking the dog can be considered
acts of kindness.
People who prefer physical touch are kinesthetic. They need that physical closeness to feel loved.
A kiss, a hug, a back rub or gentle touch are all it takes for this person to feel loved and appreciated. They appreciate holding hands, being caressed and sitting close enough for physical contact.
Which love style do you relate to the most?
We all tend to express our love in the style that we most resonate with instead of the style that matches the person that we are interacting with.
Suppose you plan a nice dinner for your spouse who is having a tough day, an Act of Service, because you would love to have them create a nice dinner for you if you were having a tough day. If their love style is to hear Words of Acknowledgment and Appreciation about how much you love them, your thoughtful meal goes unnoticed and you both end up feeling frustrated
and confused that the other person just doesn’t get who you are.
It is really worth taking the time and trouble to discover your love style and the love style’s of those around you in order to have your needs met and to meet the needs of those you love. What a powerful way to enhance all of your relationships.
Identify your love style using the information above.
Tell those close to you what your love style is so they know how to make you feel loved and appreciated.
Get over the idea that if they really loved me, they would be able to figure it out. Most people are not even aware of this information.
See if you can identify the love style of your spouse, children, parents and other loved ones and express your love to them in their style.
If you can’t figure out what their love style is, ask them. Ask them what it takes for them to feel really loved and appreciated. Give them the information in this article and have them identify which style they resonate with most.
Create a strategy to make sure those around you feel loved and appreciated in the style that matches them.
This information was adapted from Anthony Robbins, Unlimited Power,
and Gary Chapman’s, The Five Love Languages.
Please share your love style.